Of all the parties running for election this year, the Bloc Quebecois, as usual, is the odd ball of the bunch, though certainly not the strangest. The top contenders for THAT prize would have to be the ‘are we ultra-right or ultra-left?” Libertarian Party of Canada, the Pirate Party of Canada yarrr, and the Christian Heritage Party.
So who are the Bloc and what do they want?
The Bloc has been around since the early nineties. After the fallout of the supreme failure of the shit storm that was the Meech Lake Accord, a bunch of angry politicians ditched their parties to form the Bloc Quebecois, a supposedly “temporary” party that would disband as soon as Quebec separated from Canada, which was largely expected to happen during that referendum there in the mid-nineties. However, the referendum by the Partie Quebecois failed, and Jacques Parizeau graced us with these now famous words (translated for your convenience):
That was the end of his political career (though he still stalks the shadows of his former party like a hungry ghost) and the Bloc lives on today waiting for the day in which Quebec will become a separate nation so that they can all disband the party and finally go home to their families after almost 20 years on slinking around in Ottawa..
The current leader of the Bloc is a certain Gilles Duceppe, who has more unflattering pictures of himself circulating on the internet than David Hasselhoff. Just google “gille duceppe” and you will be graced with some of these ditties:
There are literally dozens of other bizarre and somewhat “embeerassing” photos of him flying all over the net, and more keep appearing on an almost weekly basis. I suppose the main reason for this is that Gilled Duceppe doesn’t actually give a damn about anything. I mean it. No matter what happens, his party will always have a relatively similar amount of seats in the house of commons, and of all the federal leaders, he is the only one who could never become Prime Minister. So why try? He will always play the role of “angry yelling guy” in parliament regardless of what happens in any election.
In fact speaking of Gilles Duceppe not caring: who amongst you happened to catch the televised English language leaders debate last election? You know, the one with the monkey for an announcer who couldn’t moderate two shits on a table?
How many of you noticed that Gilles Duceppe was clearly drunk off his ass during that debate? I mean it. You’re the leader of a federal party that only runs in one province, a French speaking province, and there you are on national television, debating in English for the benefit of people that have no way to actually vote for you even if they wanted to.
Why try harder?
The Official Party Platform
The Bloc is once again running the same campaign slate that they have been for the past however many elections that they’ve ran in:
- Wait patiently for Quebec to separate
- Plot nefarious deeds with the other opposition parties against whichever party wins the election
- Cause as much of a ruckus as possible during future parliamentary question periods
- Try as hard as possible to piss off the rest of Canada
- Not care in the least bit about anything